Get ready to empty out your collective wallet America. The most self-centered, navel gazing, narcissistic generation in history is leaving the workplace and moving into the basement. Now we get to pay for them while they bore us with stories about the night the Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show. Yippee!
First Baby Boomer Files For Social Security Benefits

Other relevant headlines to stick in your pipe and smoke:

9 out of 11 people in New Hampshire Dislike Rudy

Where's Tony Soprano when you need him? NJ al-Qaeda hotbed

What will the Word Police say? Imus set to return!

Hurricane season ain't over 'til the Fats Domino sings

Iraqi Kurds about to get served a whole bunch of Turkey

Georgia went to the levee but the levee was dry

AOL 2 Workforce: TTYL. Will IM Last Check?

MTV launches in Middle East. Is it an effort to dumb down potential enemies?

Lindsay Lohan is broke after blowing $8m on booze, drugs

That hot girl from High School Musical with the internet nudies just signed a million dollar modeling contract

Oh, shut up! 'Real Costanza' rants again, trashes Seinfeld.

Maybe suicide works- Kate Hudson wants Owen Wilson back.

Is Pope John Paul the Deuce a Flaming Spook?

Vatican priest caught in TV sex sting... but don't worry, he was just doing research.

Colorado Rockies in World Series

Several Rockies Fans Arrested for Jumping on Cop Car

And finally-
The latest dispatch from Britney's last days on earth:
Britney Spears threatens to commit suicide... sometimes drama queens actually do it.

There's plenty more News,
but there's no more News Jog.
We're done.