News Jog 8/29/07

Before we go any further the Jog would like to take a moment to make one thing perfectly clear. The Jog Is Not Gay! The Jog has never been Gay. The Jog has never used Ben-Gay. In fact, the Jog didn't even know what the word Gay meant until recent media reports surrounding the word cropped up. Once again to reiterate- the Jog is not Gay in a house, the Jog is not Gay with a mouse... listen to us when we say- the Jog Is Not Gay!

Scandalized Senator Larry Craig's 'I'm not gay' press conference yesterday was difficult to watch. As he stood before the microphones with his beard, sorry 'wife', by his side proclaiming his heterosexuality for all the world to hear- the Jog was reminded of the image of a man standing on an ocean shoreline demanding that the waves go away. Why is it so hard for this man to admit his true nature? The evidence collected over the years, as documented in yesterday's jog and further revealed in this article from the Idaho Statesman, make it clear that the only way he isn't fully gay is if he's a bisexual. At the end of the day, a man doesn't admit to being guilty of lewd acts unless he's guilty. End of story. The most tragicomic portion of the police report documenting his arrest is the Senator's contention that his 'wide stance' while taking a whizz is what made it look like he was signaling to the undercover officer in the next booth that he wanted to engage in sexual activity. Ah- the imagery... an old senator's pee stance. How bucolic. ABC news became interested in the signals used by gay men while cruising toilets (as if there weren't plenty in the newsroom with intimate knowledge) and produced this how-to guide for the next politician interested in engaging in some public bicameral legislation- If 'ya know what we mean. The Jog's favorite headline to rise from this sordid affair comes courtesy of the New York Post: OK, SO WHAT ABOUT NEW TOILET GUY?

You Tube cannot be muzzled. While the Romney campaign quickly removed the Larry Craig endorsement video from its account the internet springs many heads and we new it wouldn't be long before someone re-uploaded it to the site. Here it is.

The Taliban is slowly dribbling out its hostages. What's not being reported enough about the deal the South Korean government made to spring the captives is that the Taliban was able to get them to agree to remove their tiny force of troops from Afghanistan. They were leaving anyway- but the Jog isn't thrilled about any democracy negotiating with terrorists. You free the present hostages but doom many others to hostage taking in the future by validating the enemy's battlefield tactics.

American soldiers caught and released eight Iranians last night.

Hey- what a surprise! A religious celebration in Iraq turns deadly.

Another US military officer was acquitted of charges related to the Abu Ghraib case. But strangely enough, he may still see some jail time.

Remember General Manuel Noriega? You know, the former dictator of Panama with the acne scars that earned him the loving nickname 'Pineapple' amongst his enslaved citizens? Well, his jail sentence in the U.S. is almost up and he thought he was going home after 18 years. But uh oh- America has agreed to extradite him to France to be charged on separate crimes. Jeez, what do you have to do to get the French in a fighting mood? He's 73 now and likely to die in some prison somewhere in the near-future.

The military leader of Pakistan and an exiled former leader have made a deal.

China is now patrolling the internet with happy faced manga cops.

If you live in San Jose you're probably doing pretty well for yourself: San Jose Richest City

Is it any surprise that Mississippi is the fattest state in the country?

Don't get cocky Colorado. You may be the skinniest state in the union but you're still fatter than you used to be.

Bogus Stat of the Day- 47 Million Americans Uninsured! Even though every dirt bag politico in the country will be parroting this statistic it doesn't change the fact that it's inflated and untrue. The American Enterprise Institute looked deeper and found that of those 47 million 45% are illegal immigrants and about 55% are below the age of 34. We may indeed need to do something about health insurance coverage but the real problem isn't represented by the phoney-baloney claim that 47 million needy Americans lack coverage.

Michael Vick cancelled an appearance on the Tom Joyner radio show because his reps told him that he would probably say something that could negatively impact his image- As if that's possible. The Jog says he could have done some good had he gone on the show and told every hysterical caller that he wasn't targeted due to his race. He wasn't. He knows he wasn't. And he oughta publicly distance himself from those who maintain that he was.

Recently suicidal actor Owen Wilson has been dropped from his next film.

Bo Diddly, Diddly had a heart attack... bomp-a-bomp-bomp. We all know the classic rock-n-roll/blues artist has good timing. But how many people are lucky enough to suffer a heart attack in the middle of a medical checkup?

The dumbest woman in the world, Miss Teen South Carolina, made an appearance on the Today Show to explain why she's so dumb. At the time of her You Tube meltdown the finalists had been whittled down to just five bimbos going for the gold. Miss Teen South Carolina was the third runner-up. Which means somebody did worse than the dumbest woman in the world. The Jog felt bad for Miss Teen West Virginia so we looked her up. She's very cute but we haven't heard her speak yet.

If you need more evidence that the Space Shuttle program is a waste of time, money, and manpower- here it is: Luke's Lightsaber to Take Flight

That teen who hacked the iPhone got a cool car out of the deal.

We all assume that Apple is fighting mad about the iPhone hack. But according to this dude AT&T is angry- but Steve Jobs may have planned it this way all along.

You like your flat screen really, really big? Today's your lucky day: Sony to Introduce Largest LCD TV

Scariest news of the day? Oral Sex Causes Cancer!

The Jog's favorite headline of the day? Burning Man Burns Too Soon, Man Charged With Arson. The truth is that this guy's action is most likely the only thing that will take place during this year's weirdo gathering that actually reflects what Burning Man used to stand for. It's a festival about a world with no rules and this guy decided to break the only rule. Burning Man Lives!

Bruce Springsteen has convinced his foreman to allow him to take enough time off from his factory job to go on tour with the E Street Band.

And finally:
The latest dispatch from Britney's last days on earth.

There's plenty more News,
but no more News Jog.
We're done.