News Jog 9/7/07

Just as the Jog was beginning to assume he was dead Osama bin Laden pops his crazy douchebag head up for all the world to see. Well, sorta. A crazy douchebag website that functions as part of the media arm of the crazy douchebag leader's organization, Al-Qaeda, is reporting that bin Laden will will drop a new video on September 11th. But will we really be seeing new footage? The video stills pre-released by the crazy douchebags show an Osama who looks younger than the last time we saw him back in October 2004. His once gray beard is now black again and he appears to be ten years younger. If it's him and he's alive the Just For Men hair dye people may want to consider signing him up as a spokesperson. The commercials he'd make couldn't be any worse or more embarrassing than the current spots featuring Keith Hernandez and Walt Frazier in that play by play booth. In the new commercial we suggest Osama go around cutting the heads off of guys who have graying hair while Keith and Walt say in unison: Re-Jected! Now that would sell some product.

Bin Laden's continuing presence isn't the only 'war on terror' problem for the Bush administration: Judge Deals Blow to Patriot Act

Another study group has presented another report to congress that once again concludes that America should back off in Iraq. That's a tune this congress likes to dance to but they're not exactly sure how to get it to the dance floor without looking weak.

The Jog is convinced Pakistan is about to go up in flames. In order to forestall the inevitable the on again, off again political romance between military strongman Pervez Musharraf and Benazir Bhutto is apparently on again. But many Bhutto supporters have their panties in a wad about the whole deal- so no one knows if the arrangement would work anyway. How bad could things get over there? Pretty bad.

Surprise, surprise: Tensions Rise Between Syria and Israel

The Jog is willing to bet that 90% of the country is unaware that a state of war still exists between America and N. Korea. It's been a long ceasefire- but that's all its ever been. Now Bush says it's time for peace with some conditions.

Speaking of peace: Darfur Peace Talks Set for Oct. 27 in Libya

The fugitive from justice who was helping Hillary Clinton fund her campaign has been nabbed. His name is Hsu but it's pronounced shoe. Isn't that funny? Hello Mr. Shoe.

Depending on which news report you choose to believe Senator 'I'm not gay' Craig is either really, really retiring- or he's determined to keep fighting.

Fred Thompson's out there and running. Let the letdown begin!

Is every politician in the state of New Jersey corrupt? Almost.

As the waters recede the body count from Hurricane Felix continues to rise.

Crowds larger than Pavarotti gather to say goodbye to Pavarotti. This guy liked him better when he was skinny. The Jog feels the same way about Elvis.

The economy is good! Indexes Edge Up as Retail Sales Surprise

The economy is bad! Foreclosures Climb to New Record High, Again

Rescue teams are still looking for that adventurer millionaire balloon guy who is almost certainly dead.

But maybe there's hope. Rescuers were sure that Ora Doris Anderson was dead. After all, she was 76 and had gone missing in the Oregon wilds two weeks ago. But they just found her alive.

If your kids are hyper-spazzy, A.D.D., never sit still types that drive you and everyone else around you crazy. You might be able to blame the colorful food they're eating.

An Israeli virus may be killing our bees. We don't make this stuff up folks.

Ahh- to be a surfin' hippie. So blissfully unaware of how the world really works: Protesters to be Corralled When Hawaii Ferry Sails Again

Wake up internet libertarians! DoJ Weighs In Against Net Neutrality

Steve Jobs pissed off a lot of customers when he dropped the price of the iPhone by $200 just two months after its debut. Now Steve says he's sorry in a letter written to those customers. And since he's such a good guy he's offering to give each of those customers a $100 voucher to spend at an Apple store of their choice. Excuse our math but isn't that about a hundred dollars short?

Wake up internet libertarians! Facebook Profile Searches: Not Welcome by All Users

Our favorite headline of the day is: Babies Vs. Chimps: Who's Smarter?

Is NASA a broken institution? House Panel Urges NASA for More Open Communication

It's the end of the world as we know it... Scientists Project Huge Loss of Sea Ice

The clock is ticking for legendary music producer Phil Spector. The Jog has always maintained that he never should have killed that girl- that was his big mistake. Even though he did produce Instant Karma, the greatest pop single of all time, the jury will probably still find him guilty.

Whoopi has company: Sherri Shepherd to Join ‘The View’

The man who shot and killed one of Edie Brickell's new bohemians feels very bad about it. But he had no choice. He had to defend himself.

Cops believe that a small bomb recently ignited outside actor Michael Imperioli's studio was intended to send a message to the 'Sopranos' star. They don't know who sent it and they don't know what the message was- but they do know it was sent to him.

Anna Nicole's ex-husband is in jail and causing trouble. The Jog didn't even know she had an ex-husband or that he was in jail. Well, she does and he is- and now he's suing Howard K. Stern for $100 million.

Finally- a reason for grown men to fall in love with High School Musical: "HSM" Nude Pic: It's the Real Deal!

Rapper NAS says he doesn't pay any attention to Bill O'Reilly. But that doesn't keep him from telling MTV that the Fox News star is a racist.

And finally:
The latest dispatch from Britney's last days on earth.

There's plenty more News,
but there's no no more News Jog.
We're done.