News Jog 9/4/07

The Jog spent its labor day weekend vacationing in South Carolina. When it passed a sign for something called Lake Secession while steering the mini-van through winding back roads- the Jog recognized it had traveled a hundred miles north to find the ‘deep’ south. But the echo of war was faint, the sun was high, and a grand time had by all strapped into the Magic Sienna. Much news happened while we were away- here's a quick rundown.

Jerry Lewis raised almost $64 million for his 'kids' over the weekend. This ungrateful former poster child says thanks, but no thanks. The question isn't whether the MDA Telethon does good work- of course it does. The real question is did Jerry say the gay F-word?

Update 11:55a.-Consensus Building: He Said It!

Senator Larry ‘I’m not gay just because I have a wide stance’ Craig didn’t cop to actually being gay (that’ll come later), but he did announce his near-immediate resignation from the senate. The Jog is always amazed with how un-embarrassed these politicians can be when they find themselves in such scandalous positions. It reminds us of the compart-mental abilities of everyone's favorite scandal machine. Speaking of Bill Clinton- here’s video of Senator Foot-Bump calling Clinton a ‘nasty’ man back in 1999 at the height of the Lewinsky affair. And for those Jog-anistas who have been craving an animated account of what went down in that airport bathroom- well okay, here ya go.

President Bush and entourage traveled thousands upon thousands of miles under the cover of night to make one of those surprise visits to Iraq he's so famous for- but they didn't travel far enough. He still had to face Katie Couric once he got there. He also gave a pep talk of sorts to the locals.

Meanwhile the British appear to be in the process of tapping out of Iraq.

Isn't it sweet? The U.S. and North Korea are playing kissy-face.

Pakistan is becoming more unstable by the minute: Suicide Bombs Kill Scores in Pakistan

Here's a surprise in the news. Hamas is messing with Israel- and Israel is threatening to retaliate. Ah- the Holy Land. So predictable. So, you know- Holy.

The U.N. is mad at Sudan. I'll bet they're quaking in their murderous boots. After all, if they don't listen and stop their naughty genocide- the U.N. will cite them in a report. No government wants to face that kind of draconian punishment.

YouTube has given into pressure from the government of Thailand to stop hosting videos making fun of their King. The pro quo granted for prone acquiescence to censorship is a doozy for the Uber-Mega-Category Killing video sharing site. Thailand has lifted its ban on You Tube.

YouTube Reminder: If you post a video of yourself committing illegal acts you just might get yourself arrested.

As an election year nears- Bush is talking climate change.

Al Gore's just sure it's 'cos of, you know... Hurricane Felix is a Bad Mutha!

Update 12:50p.- Strengthened Hurricane Felix Strikes Central America

Here's the latest brief from the case of The U.S. Navy vs. Shamu.

The NRA says the Virginia Tech murder panel that just reported its findings is unfairly promoting an anti-gun agenda.

There's a new breakthrough drug for schizophrenia.

In a related story: Rapid Rise in Bipolar Diagnoses Among U.S. Youth

If you've ever wondered why tall people are tall- today's your lucky day: Scientists Discover 'Tall' Gene

We know Brad Pitt loves to be loved- but he probably doesn't love to loved this much: Crazy Fan Attacks Brad in Italy!

Owen Wilson's friends say Owen Wilson is 'doing very well.' The Jog thinks they mean to say he is doing about as well as a drug-addled comic genius can be expected to be doing just a few days after slashing his wrists. It's kinda one of those relativity things.

Owen may be good but this review of his new movie is bad.

Rob Zombie's remake of 'Halloween' was the #1 Movie of the holiday weekend.

Will the Russians beat us to Mars?

It looks like it really happened this time- the iPhone hack you'll actually use has arrived. This writer says the iPhone/AT&T deal is toast.

Tired of all the iPhone stories? This oughta cheer ya up: Apple May Introduce New iPod on Wednesday

Go ahead and purchase that new iPod but be warned- you may not be able to buy NBC shows on iTunes anymore.

According to this story PlayStation3 sales are catching up to those of the Nintendo Wii. But if you read closely it becomes obvious that they're really not. So what's the point of the story? We have no idea.

What's the point of the HD DVD platform war? We don't know that either- but here's the latest.

By the way: Stealing mannequins is still against the law!

The U.S. is still kicking the world's ass in basketball.

Looks like Burning Man is Burnt Out.

Did you see that big-ass spider web in Texas? No? Don't worry- here it is.

One of Edie Brickell's new bohemians beat up his girlfriend before being shot and killed by a neighbor. "What I am is what I am, Bitch!"

This guy stole funeral flowers out of a moving hearse.

They did a study and found that rock stars die young. Hey, it may sound counterintuitive- but they're the scientists, they should know.

The cute little blond baby boy that showed up on the last few seasons of the NBC show 'Family Ties' beat up his girlfriend and got in big trouble. "There ain't no nothing we can't help each other through, Bitch!" Sha-la-la-la

Our favorite headline of the day is: Anna's Men 'Were Gay Lovers'

And finally:
The latest dispatch from Britney's last days on earth.

There's plenty more News,
but there's no more News Jog.
We're done.